Who Are You, Really?
The Five Practices That Form Identity
Who are you?
What an uncomfortable question to face. You may be shifting or squirming in your seat as it sinks in. I hated this question. I ran from it and lied through my teeth about it for years.
Sometimes we’re lucky and well-practiced enough that we can shoot off an answer to that question with clarity and confidence.
“My name is Kyle, I’m an alcoholic.”
I have said that statement enough times that I don’t question it. It rolls off my tongue quite easily these days. Shortly after entering recovery, I began to, almost by accident, form what became five practices that helped me stay in the practice of recovery each day.
In the world of recovery, people started asking me another uncomfortable question: “What does your recovery look like?” I never knew what the hell they meant by that question. I started listening to others. Many talked of programs they were members of, activities or hobbies they picked up, or religious organizations they joined. But I noticed something early. The few people who had long-term recovery spanning numerous decades had something in common. They talked about work. They talked about breaking things down into manageable challenges they could face each day. And they talked about growth.
I followed those people. I listened, I worked, and I experimented. I found what worked and kept working those things. Slowly, the practices formed themselves. Much more than a list, they are the way I live each day. They expand well beyond the realm of addiction recovery. They are completely transferable, bound to no place or set routine. They helped us navigate the challenge of loss. They also led me to unexpectedly answer that question of “Who are you?” in a way I never anticipated.
Movement
Awe
Vision
Community
Faith
The practices are simple, yet powerful. They are approachable, but challenging. They are routine, yet boundless. They are forgiving, yet demand everything from you. They can be continually practiced, but will never be perfected.
The five practices train you daily to separate what you can control from what you must let go. Quite by accident, they allowed me to realize my true identity versus anchoring my identity to capabilities or outcomes.
Look back at that opening question again. Ask yourself how many “I am…” statements that ran through your mind ended with something you’ve accomplished with your talents, something you own, or a capability you have.
The practices unknowingly led me to realize the singular, foundational piece of identity everything is built upon. Initially, I viewed them simply as a tool to grant me daily reprieve from alcohol. It turned out that the power that lay within the daily practices was much more significant.
Each practice will be explored in detail over the coming months. I had incorporated many of these practices in my life when I was battling alcoholism to no avail. I worked out, journaled, and searched for gratitude. But those didn’t work. We’ll explore why and highlight the subtle but required shifts that have allowed these practices to have a profound impact.
Keep showing up,
Kyle Layne