The Scariest Part of Not Drinking

The reason I hear so many people use as an excuse to not drink, and what I have come to think about it

Alcohol is socially acceptable, and even glorified in our American culture. No arguments about it, and I do not intend to challenge or change that with this post, nor with the entire body of work that Chapter 3 Stigma has formed into at this point.

There are two clear winners for the biggest excuses that I hear people, both normies and alcoholics, offer up when they are faced with the idea of giving up alcohol for a long period of time. Sometimes these perceived benefits of alcohol are combined, but sometimes they stand alone, so I will just offer them both up and address them together.

1. It helps me relax

2. It helps me be social

There is really no arguing these two points. The mechanisms that alcohol triggers in our bodily systems, even in very small amounts, leads to initial feeling of relaxation due to the depressant aspect of alcohol along with the opening up when surrounded by individuals. For some, it’s the fix that they need to unwind and feel like they can be honest and connect with other human beings.

I felt I needed alcohol for these reasons as well. Specifically the social part, I was and largely am, introverted and quite fearful of social engagement. I was incredibly self-conscious and rarely put myself in situations that made me feel socially uncomfortable. Yet alcohol isn’t a crutch that I can go to any more because of how much it will destroy my life. Therefore, I had to figure out how to manage situations where I felt stressed or anxious as well as social situations where I felt uncomfortable without the aid of alcohol.

And guess what? It sucked at first. It was extremely painful and uncomfortable dealing with situations where I felt anxiety creeping back in, or I felt judgement cast on me by my peers in social settings.

But then something happened. I began figuring out how to navigate these situations without the aid of alcohol. I wound up getting to a place where I was managing intensely stressful situations using various techniques and practices and suddenly being able to relax and be comfortable in social settings was something that I could just do on my own and they’ve largely turned into a super power for me.

Specifically, here is how I approach each of those situations.

1. Relax:

   1. Move your body

   2. Practice gratitude

   3. Practice recognizing your thought patterns and emotions, aka Mindfulness

   4. Be deliberate about you celebrations or rewards to trigger relaxation - if I choose to unwind and relax after a big week by watching a movie with Alyssa, I am deliberate about sinking in on the couch and really enjoying it! Commit to your self-reward!

2. Social

   1. Be the one to lead with honesty and be willing to laugh at your own expense.

   2. Practice eye contact with others.

   3. Never provide advice, only share your experience and be honest about how your experience influences the way you view the situation.

   4. Express your appreciation for others in the moment.

I know I’m sitting here in my high castle, rapidly turning into a square, but I do challenge people to look at the reasons that they choose to drink. Drinking is always the short term solution, and if you committed to being uncomfortable and working through painful situations up front, the long term benefits of navigating these common situations out without having to go to alcohol are immense.

That’s all I’ve got.

Kyle