The Power of Group Therapy and Community
How opening up with others facing similar situations can help better your life
Prior to stepping into the walls of rehab, I had no practice with and greatly judged the group therapy experience. I truly could not understand how the time could be beneficial or healing. Now, after spending hundreds of hours in group therapy sessions, I get it. To heal personally, we have a need to be a part of a tribe. We are all human beings after all, and it is a core part of our nature.
As with anything, there are effective group sessions and ineffective ones. I have reflected back on my experiences in group settings and put together a list of their benefits for those that are questioning what your next step might be on your own journey of recovery.
The beauty of these learnings and outcomes is that they aren’t constrained to only people that feel they are in dire situations with addiction. My wife and sister belong to their own respective Mom’s groups. These benefits apply in those group settings just as much as they do in the walls of rehab or an AA meeting.
Common experience
Everyone’s background and story within rehab were unique to that individual. Despite that, all of us shared the common bond that had driven us to enter ourselves into the rehabilitation center. In no other setting could I sit across the table with someone of a different sex, ethnicity, family structure, drug of choice and age as myself and yet feel so incredibly connected with them from our shared experience of addiction.
None of the surface level stuff mattered as we all struggled with the same issue. Because of that we had that common thread where we could all relate to each other in a deep and meaningful way.
One of my favorite experiences in rehab was when someone got enough courage to state, “Hey, did anyone else [insert crazy behavior or thought pattern here], or was that just me?” And the reaction in the room was the vast majority of individuals nodding along or exclaiming their own relief that someone else exhibited that behavior or thought pattern and not just them.
Shared vision
There is power in facing a common enemy. In the walls of rehab, individuals would express their small sliver of hope they felt for their lives. It was generally a shared feeling, and that in part created a vision for individuals of what their lives could look like in recovery.
As we shared and bonded as a group, you became invested in and desiring for someone else to achieve their life vision. Then some moments would occur where you would realize that everyone’s individual vision was creating within us a shared common vision for the group of recovery, health and well-being.
It was this strange moment that happened seemingly out of nowhere. We started openly talking about protecting each other’s recovery journey and ensuring that things going on within the walls of rehab were conducive to every single individual being able to maintain their focus on recovery.
This is difficult, and often times dangerous, to achieve in an online or virtual space. You had to physically sit with someone and get to know them, their story and their hope for the future to experience such an alignment of vision.
It was incredible to see in action. We rallied around each other when parasitic personalities entered into the rehab space, and actually on two occasions got individuals removed from the center who were detrimental to our collective recovery journey.
Upon checking out, one of the greatest aspects in the weeks and months following rehab was to hear from someone on the outside and learn that the vision that they had for their life was becoming a reality.
Taking on a role as a part of a larger group
One thing that I realized in rehab was that it felt good to slot into a particular role within a group. I had been feeling such a rift in my own personal life between who I wanted to be and how I was acting prior to rehab that it felt good to hit the “Reset” button on it all and figure out a new role within a group. There were individuals that were very motherly, some protectors, a select few leaders, others focused on group cohesion and the list goes on. It was a rare and powerful experience to witness people form up naturally into these roles grounded firmly in our vision to protect each and every member’s recovery journey.
Facing fears of speaking and judgement
Maybe this one was just personal and other’s didn’t get as much from this as I did because of my background. In the two years leading up to rehab I had given myself crippling anxiety that manifested in the inability to talk in front of others. I believe it stemmed from knowing deep down that what I was saying was probably a lie and I was entirely frightened of others discovering that lie.
Group therapy sessions gave me reps in speaking my thoughts, emotions and reasoning out in front of others. It forced me to look back into people’s eyes as I was talking. It made me share secrets and aspects of my life that gave me confidence and bravery to start speaking the truth more broadly.
It helped me overcome the acute fear of speaking in front of others and the chronic fear of judgement from the world.
Creating an outlet when attempting to integrate with the broader community
I have experienced this value of group sessions both within my recovery journey as well as with the loss of Lucy. When you’re in group sessions, there’s an aspect of safety to those moments. You’re together with a group of people that share a common struggle. You begin to stop worrying about judgement, perception or engagement with others who don’t understand. Your concerns about the variability and randomness of the world drop away during your time with the group.
But there is an eventual moment where the session has to end and everyone has to step back into the chaos and randomness of the world. This can be a surprisingly frightening experience. In a healthy group setting, there is support built around this integration back into the world outside of the group setting. You set up call lists, connect on social and stay in touch to ensure that if something occurs you can have an outlet to reach out to where you know there will be compassion and understanding.
Meaning from service to others
As you move through your time and sessions and work at integrating your new practices into your own life, you begin to realize a sense of purpose that comes about by helping others within your group setting. The dynamics of group sessions over the course of days, weeks and months ebb and flow in unexpected manners. Someone who was a rock last week could be losing it all this week.
As you progress in your own healing journey, regardless of what ailment you may be recovering from, as your life gets sorted out and healing occurs, there’s a moment where you feel a spark to help others. It’s difficult to explain, but it is summarized fairly concisely from the resident elderly gentleman who is a staple at my morning AA meetings. The man has over 42 years in recovery, and when asked why he keeps showing up to meetings due to his age and obviously impressive time in recovery he is quick to respond,
“I show up for the newcomer.”
You cannot pass on what you don’t have yourself. When you realize that you have found a solution that is capable of helping others, there is a burning desire that you will feel to give back and be of service to others.
As a human being, I have yet to find a higher calling in life.
That’s all I’ve got this week.
Kyle