Sh*tty Advice for Alcoholics
People mean well, but a normie should never give an alcoholic advice like this
In my 12 years of battling alcoholism on my own, I have seemingly tried anything and everything under the sun to control my drinking. I obsessively search for hacks, tricks and studies that would allow me to “teach” myself how to control my drinking. I felt that it was just a bad habit that I had and I just needed to figure out how to learn to form a new one.
With that goal in mind, I have consumed my fair share of crappy advice that generally comes from the mind of someone who is distinctly NOT an addict or alcoholic. I really hate to place one class of individuals over another, but in this circumstance I can definitively say that individuals who have not struggled themselves with addiction and who have not found the solution themselves should shut the hell up when it comes to giving advice.
Let me give you an example. Take this article, from a seemingly legitimate treatment center. Here is a summary of their advice on how to stop drinking when stressed (stressed by what, I may add?).
Take a walk
Get a pet
Read a book or watch a movie
Exercise
Spend time with loved ones
Now let me expand on why this advice, while seemingly well intentioned, is written by a normie (non-alcoholic) and also is extremely harmful to anyone who is still suffering that thinks these cheap little tricks can do anything about their internal battle with alcoholism.
Take a walk
I have done this. I get outside and walk, trying to move my body and rid myself of the thoughts and desires to drink. In that time, I obsessively think, my mind beginning to race off out of my control. I take the time on the walk to come up with a slew of excuses as to why I can drink. I reason with myself that this time will be different. I rush the walk, having convinced myself after that refreshing 20 minutes that this time will be different, I grab my keys and head to the store to buy alcohol and drink.
It’s not different this time.
Get a pet
Oh, so we’re suggesting to subject another living being to your living hell as a way to solve your problem with alcohol? Brilliant.
One aspect of my recovery that I have never written and talked about is that MY DOG has been one of the most difficult relationships to win back. Yes, she’s overly sensitive, but in the depths of my hell at the crack of a can, her ears would tuck and she’d walk away from me, knowing what was going to happen.
Never, ever, ever, freaking EVER think that taking on more responsibility in your life is the solution to your drinking problem. It helps a few, but those situations are generally massive shifts in responsibility like having a kid (which didn’t work for me!) that completely shift a persons view of the world, and they are rare occurrences. The thought pattern of, ‘As soon as I have X, then my problem with drinking will be fixed’ is a dangerous companion to nearly all alcoholics.
In my time battling alcoholism, X was equal to - a new job, a new rental, a house I owned, certain amount of money in the bank account, a new vehicle, a dog, a marriage, a child, etc. This list was nearly endless and it’s painful for me to write and admit to the things that I strove for in life in part motivated by the thought that it could rid me of my issue with alcohol.
Instead of looking ahead at adding something to your life that will change your situation, instead focus on finding a solution that actually works to address your alcoholism right now.
Read a book or watch a movie
See the details in the “Take a walk” section. If you’re a real alcoholic, your mind will not become distracted if you’re taking this petty advice. You’ll just spin on the internal battle of if you will drink or not, and you always lose that fight. I’ve picked up a book, stared at the same line on the same page for minutes on end, and then placed the book back down and gone to drink.
Exercise
Of all the items on the list, this one has actual legs to stand on. But I want to highlight something super important - I would finish a workout and feel I had “earned” a drink, only to have that one drink tailspin me into days long bender. Exercise alone cannot do the trick, which is why I discovered the power in the 5 Practices of Recovery, Movement being one of them.
Spend Time with Loved Ones
Alcoholism leads to isolation. Isolation leads to alcoholism. It’s a bit of a cycle. When you find yourself caught in this vortex, your phone weighs 2,000 pounds. It is the most impossible endeavor to pick up the phone and reach out when you are struggling with alcoholism and other issues within this realm. I had well meaning and loving friends and family tell me, ‘call me if you ever need to talk’. I took on and viewed all of my issues with alcohol as my own burden to carry that I could not even fathom reaching out to them when I was thinking of drinking. Once I put the first drink to my mouth, I would oftentimes leave the phone in the other room or shut it off entirely so that I was unreachable and so that I could just drink alone in peace and quiet.
Every single AA meeting will offer a phone list to anyone in the room. This is a list of individuals that you can call when you are struggling. It is incredible to experience, but it is SO much easier to reach out to a stranger who shares the common bond of alcoholism and tell them you’re struggling than it is to open up to a friend or family member that you have a lifetime of a relationship with.
So what?
Listen, I’m well connected with the desperation that people feel when a loved one is struggling with alcoholism. Take this advice, though. Don’t expect any change to happen from garbage articles and advice such as this one that prompted this post. There is nothing more powerful than one struggling alcoholic sitting down with another alcoholic who has found the solution.
In doing so they will find their own thought patterns and struggles reflected back to them by someone who has clearly been there. With addiction, as with anything in life, you cannot share what you don’t have yourself. Advice for living a life free of the burden of alcohol is one of those items that cannot be shared freely by those who don’t have it.
My cut and dry advice for avoiding alcohol when stressed?
Put in the work - do the 12 steps
Inject the 5 Practices of Recovery into your life
That’s all I’ve got.
Kyle