Conversations That Change Us
Why writing alone isn’t enough—and how listening reshapes the way we live
I sit down on our couch with my hoodie pulled up over my head. I pat the spot next to me and our dog hops up and nuzzles in. The computer screen gets flipped open, and I squint through blurry eyes at a bright screen. I stare at the blinking cursor, waiting to get moving, not entirely sure where my mind is ready to go this morning. Fingers to keyboard, I start moving. Another early morning writing session has begun.
By this time I have lost track of how many times this ritual has played out in a similar form. I wrote before rehab, really for no one other than myself. It was a practice I knew helped me calm my mind by letting me extract the swirl of thoughts in my head.
I found solace in the early mornings. The chaos of the day had yet to pick up. I also found, when it came to writing, that the critical, filter-heavy portion of my brain had yet to ramp up. It allowed me to write out a thought without holding back.
I can always clean it up later, I would think.
There has been immense value in this process. I can take experiences, ideas, and learnings and turn them, shape them, and sharpen them. It’s heavily reflective and often I use the practice to allow experiences and perspective to sit and set within me. Taking the time to write pushes me to attempt to think and perceive learnings from experiences from numerous angles, yet I know it’s incomplete.
To fully experience life, to push yourself to show up each day and progress along in your own journey, you cannot isolate and be complete. There are different methods of thinking and engaging with the world when we bring others in. Those are the conversations—the new perspective gained through someone else’s experience. Maybe it disrupts a line of thinking or way of living that I had. Maybe it strengthens it. Often, I find myself overcome with awe at the strength and learnings others have gained as they’ve walked through difficult parts of their own lives.
Take my recent conversation with Kyle Kamp, as an example. As a young man, he embarked on a largely self-guided weight loss journey where he went from 270 pounds (on a 5’9” frame) down to 130 pounds. To look at Kyle today, you would never have guessed he was once in a position where he needed to lose 140 pounds. Yet the learnings and insights he brought out of this experience go so much further than simply numbers reducing on a scale. In this segment alone, Kyle shows perspective, resolve, and a willingness to make his objectives achievable that were the mindset he needed to carry him through his weight loss journey.
The numbers associated with Kyle’s transformation are staggering, no doubt. Yet, I walked away from my time with him thinking about things much deeper than numbers on a scale. It challenged my thinking on how to pursue structure before creativity, to cement the process that leads to the output. Kyle spoke of it in other areas of his life well beyond his weight loss journey, and I have found a similar benefit to nailing the basics and continuing to show up consistently and imperfectly.
Days later, I was having a conversation with Julian Bermudez, a therapist who specializes in guiding people through moments of discomfort from their past that hold them back in the present. He often, but not always, uses psychedelics to help him in this process. I never could have imagined the synergies between conversations from completely different perspectives and lived experiences. Julian talked of his work and guiding people towards the discomfort, showing them how they can adapt, manage, and grow through it.
There was a completely unexpected moment in my conversation with Julian. He disrupted the flow of our talk when he identified heaviness in my voice.
“Are you willing to explore this?”
That question changed everything. The practice he walked me through has lightened my heart ever since. It dropped a defensive posture that I have been walking around with and completely altered how I engage with myself and others in my life today.
This is why the conversations matter.
In today’s world of hooks, ultra-virality, and quick swipes, I’m trying to slow down. So sit with these conversations. Reflect on how a different lived experience could apply to your own.
These conversations have strengthened that quiet, secluded morning writing ritual.
It’s not about the cheap, quick fix. It’s about forging change through engagement with others and taking the personal action necessary to see the change through.
Join the conversations for the full experience.
Keep showing up.
Kyle Layne (Kyle Zibrowski)