There is one conversation I will never forget with my sponsor, a man who played such a pivotal role in saving my life.
Sitting on his porch in Idaho, recounting all that we had been through while away in Minnesota, he simply listened. He listened as I spoke of adjusting to life in Minnesota, working to find our new routine and settling into my recovery practices away from home. He listened, and we laughed, at the absolute absurdity of being rushed to the hospital early one morning after Alyssa’s water broke. And he listened when no more words would come to me as I tried recounting the seemingly impossible act of leaving the hospital weeks later without our child.
We sat for some time with a comfortable silence existing between the two of us.
And then he spoke. He introduced me to the final three steps of the program, and he said words that removed the final shred of fear that I was feeling after we had come back to Idaho.
“Regardless of what you have been through, we all do this one day at a time.”
It was a reminder to return to the concept that started my recovery nearly a year before. A way of living that had brought everything back to me that I felt had been lost. A simple and obvious truth that I had completely lost sight of in my battle against the insanity of drink.
I knew that truth, but sitting there on his porch that evening, I had to hear it one more time.
It didn’t negate what we went through.
It wasn’t a “time to move on” declaration.
It didn’t devalue Lucy’s life.
Instead, it presented a way to fully honor her.
I’m grateful for that perspective and lesson in such a pivotal moment. I find myself going to it now, as Chasing Control has come out into the world and accomplished more in a week than I envisioned in its entire first year.
Within 24 hours Chasing Control hit numerous “Best Seller” lists. It climbed to the #1 spot on one list within 48 hours, but the most shocking outcome of the week was to see Chasing Control at #2 next to “The Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous on the Best Seller list for books on Alcoholism.
That book at #1 saved my life. It was a book that I took many weeks to finally crack open and start reading while in rehab. It presented the greatest source of friction for me in early recovery. I didn’t want to do the program, because I didn’t believe the spiritual component was needed in my recovery journey.
My life had been proof that God didn’t exist. Or so I thought.
When I did finally open myself up to the program and literally opened “The Big Book,” my recovery and my life changed. The power of that book helped me step into the rooms of AA after rehab, which helped prepare us for what was to come.
But as I learned early in recovery, and with that lesson fully realized after moving back to Idaho, the length of time you are in recovery doesn’t matter if you lose sight of today.
After the book launched, we took an evening to celebrate with family and friends. In preparing for the event, I kept telling Alyssa I’d be happy if eight people showed up, that it wasn’t about the numbers, but the quality of the relationships that were represented.
Many more showed. It was an amazing moment to pause and celebrate the incredible community that had supported and loved us through the most intense trials of our lives.
My sponsor showed up as well, one of the first to arrive with a smile and a big hug. With it came a reminder of that conversation that we had years ago on his front porch.
I took his words as seriously as I have taken anything anyone has ever told me in my life. I put them into action. Bidding farewell to him that night, I reaffirmed that commitment to myself: that despite the road traveled in the past, we progress along this journey one day at a time.
An unanticipated risk emerged in my life and recovery this past week. One that I have seen cause people to stand still, or in a more extreme manner, throw away everything they had worked so hard to achieve.
Yes, it is a strange experience to see my book sitting next to “The Big Book.”
Yes, it brings me satisfaction to see how my family’s story is impacting and helping others.
Yes, it’s surreal to realize this book and story will outlive me.
Yet, I still have a long way to go before I can pass this book off to my children. They are, after all, the only people I wrote this book for. There are many days between now and that moment. Many days where I have to wake up and intentionally place myself within that day, and that day only.
There is a strange temptation to rest on the rapid accomplishments of the book or sit around wondering what might come next. Yet, neither yesterday’s achievements nor tomorrow’s possibilities can accomplish today’s work.
I have witnessed far too many addicts relapse after 20+ years of sobriety when the thoughts of “I did this…” or “I’ve got this myself…” start creeping into their minds. They allowed the accomplishments of the past to supplant the daily work and focus that got them there in the first place.
All of us face that decision, whether we realize it or not. Regardless of what has been accomplished in the past, or where your sights are set on in the future, this one day—this very moment—is all that we have.
I don’t know what the future holds for this book or for this body of work. All I know is that today, it’s time to get back to work and live today with intention.
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