6 Months Later - Lucy's Legacy Lives On
A reflection back to six short months ago
I am reposting something that Alyssa and I put together in the early morning hours the night that Lucy passed away. Despite the long day and intense amount of emotions, we found sleep difficult to come by and so we took the opportunity to recall the day in as much detail as we possibly could.
With loss, six months feels like a lifetime ago, yet yesterday all at once. There are moments where our experience feels like a distant dream and then when you realize that we experienced what we did and indeed lost our daughter, the reality of loss swell up again. There are times where you feel like you’re incapable of moving forward, and times where you catch yourself and wonder if you’re moving forward too fast. One mindset that we have held strong to during these months is that we are not attempting to “get over” the loss of Lucy, but instead we are focused on learning how to live with the loss of our daughter.
Lucy’s story has been told many times by us to long-standing friends and family but also to a number of individuals that are new in our lives. The look that people get in their eyes when we tell them about Lucy, about the odds she faced and about the battle she fought continually injects a growing amount of pride in my daughter. The connections that are made, and the relationships that have been strengthened and deepened has been an unexpected gift that our daughter has left for us in this world.
Tears still well up from time to time, but lately their genesis is this - it has been the honor of my life to be Lucy and Grant’s parent alongside Alyssa. They have given us the gift of seeing who we are and what we are capable of doing as a couple and as individuals, and Lucy reconnected me with a personal relationship with God in a way I never could have imagined.
Alyssa and I have explicitly decided to pursue our marriage during this trying time and it has shocked me how obvious the fork in the road moments are in terms of making a decision to be there for our continued relationship, or throw it aside. Relationships are difficult to manage during such intense moments of loss, but being by Alyssa’s side during all of this and continually and deliberately choosing to pursue us has been a humbling and strengthening experience.
Love to you all, thank you from the bottom of our family’s hearts for your support in this journey.
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
Just before midnight on December 27th, 2023, Lucy Pieper Zibrowski passed away lying peacefully between Alyssa and I. There were no more monitors, no more alarms, and no more machines. Just three loving members of a family curled up on a hospital bed together.
Lucy has brought more into our lives than we can even begin to describe. Her final act was one that was completely in line with her story, and that was that she baffled the entire medical team, but clearly told everyone that it was time.
What occurred the evening of the 27th really couldn't have been scripted much more beautifully than how it played out. The nurse who cared for Lucy during her final day was named Rose, the same name as my paternal grandmother. Rose is the only one of Lucy's eight great-grandparents that I never got to meet due to her passing at too young of an age. Rose was a phenomenal nurse to Lucy and I believe that she was there to let Alyssa and me know we didn't need to be worried for Lucy, she has family ready to greet her after she passed.
The primary doctor and nurse practitioner that were on shift that evening were two individuals who knew Lucy's body the best. We had worked closely with them during Lucy's week of life to make shared decisions. We had the upmost confidence and trust with this team.
In the end, Lucy's lungs were just incapable of delivering the oxygen to her body that she needed. Lucy waited for Alyssa and me to return to the room with her to give the obvious sign that she was ready to go. It caused quite a stir with the medical team as they worked to get Lucy's oxygen levels up. There was one final procedure that we did to try to clear any gas from her lung cavity that proved that there was no gas build up.
Alyssa and I stood embracing in the corner of Lucy’s room watching the team react to Lucy’s signals. I’ll never forget looking into Alyssa’s eyes and recognizing with each other that Lucy’s time on earth was coming to a close. We talked quietly together, crying but agreeing that Lucy was telling us she was ready to go. We were not in control, we were truly only capable of following the lead of our daughter.
With tears in their eyes, the team gathered in Lucy's room and told us they felt they had done absolutely all they could possibly do for our sweet girl. Lucy's lungs couldn't continue to fight and no medical interventions could save her. She has always been in control of her story and she was telling us it was her time.
The doctor softly talked us through what our remaining time with Lucy would look like. We were able to call family and had everyone to the hospital within 20 minutes. During that time Lucy was stabilized and we made the decision to remove her monitors so our families could say their last goodbyes in peace with her in Lucy's room. All the love in the room was something that we will never forget the rest of our lives.
After both sides of the families had their time with Lucy it was time for our family of four to say farewell for now. Grant was amazing. Not only was he up way past his bedtime but he also clearly picked up on the gravity of the situation. He was so soft, gentle and sweet with Lucy saying his final goodbyes. He held her hand, told her how beautiful she was, and how much he loved her. He is an amazing older brother.
From there Alyssa and I were given the opportunity to lay with Lucy, devoid of all devices and just be with her while she passed. It was an incredible experience, and despite some serious emotions, set us incredibly at peace. Her heart beat strong in the very last moments with her. What a strong heart she had during the entirety of her existence. Lucy was then bathed by us, confirming the presence of some wonderful red hair, and we dressed her in her first and final outfit - a beautiful pink gown with a blanket made just for her. We then allowed family to come back in for their final farewells.
While I'm clearly attempting, words just cannot describe what occurred last night and early this morning. Lucy has been the most incredible gift to us as parents, siblings, children, and friends. Her legacy will live on through the change that she has made within all of us during the eight months growing strong within Alyssa and her beautiful week of life on earth.
We now enter that odd phase of grief where you go back into a world that, shockingly to you, has continued turning and doesn't seem to have awareness of what you have been through. While it feels like stepping into the fast lane from a standstill, we know that it is not true that no one cares.
Lucy clearly touched hearts and impacted so many people beyond our immediate family. She caused people to pause, even for just a moment, during a time of year that is generally characterized with distraction and a lot of motion. She slowed us down and caused us great wonder at what an impact an infant could have on our lives by the way she persisted, defied the odds, and brought people together.
Today, we celebrate Lucy. She deserves it.
All of our love and gratitude for taking the time to learn and care for our sweet little Lucy. May her legacy live on far beyond the bounds of the moments in time that she was physically with us.
Alyssa, Kyle, Grant & Lucy
